Quotes to squeegee your third eye: Thinking outside your cage - Volume I


"If you want to tell people the truth, you'd better make them laugh or they'll kill you."
Attributed to George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)



Abstract for a True Blue American: Have you ever thought of expanding your horizons? You know, so you can be less uninformed. As Americans, we have a tendency to be lazy. Putting it another way, we run from labor. In doing so, things tend to get boiled down to being either black or white. But in our efforts to escape labor and the freedom that comes with it, we fail to see life in all the wonders of technicolor. Let us help you, squeegee your third eye.


Abstract for an Egghead: Through satire, the Brothers Jensen offer an alternative look at our 21st century beliefs. Using a collection of obscure quotes and aphorisms, the authors offensively paint a humorous and politically incorrect picture of what Americans hold to be true and false. By exposing these antagonisms, they hope to continue - in some small way - the work first pioneered by Kant’s 1784 essay, "Answering the question: What is enlightenment?"



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Critics rave.....

"I agreed to write a comment promoting this book, so long as I myself would be quoted therein,
to which the authors replied, 'at least once.'" - William Shakespeare

"Neither myself, my estate, nor any of my representatives have anything to do with this book
or the quotations it contains."- Ayn Rand

"I never read anything like this book
and you can see where that got me." - Richard M. Nixon

"The worst thing I ever read." - Leo Guild

"The divine Word shall be give substance in an orange book;
At their own peril, many will fail to heed its content." - Nostradamus, Quatrain #10-101

"With soup, a very fine read." - Andy Warhol

"For me, the joy of reading books like this is found in the fact
they pale in comparison to my own written work." - Truman Capote

"They tried to get me to read this book on the USS Utah.
So I jumped ship." - John Dillinger

"If these two jokers came to me, I could have gave them literary fame.
Look what I did for Houdini's career." - H.P. Lovecraft

"The danger posed to children by comic books is overshadowed by that
of this tome of pithy and mind-opening wisdom." - Dr. Fredric Wertham

"The road to success is buried in these pages." - Asta

"Finally, something that Mailer and Buckley will be able to understand." - Gore Vidal



Introduction snippet: "Bill Hicks (1961-1994) explained, ‘Watching television is like taking black spray paint to your third eye’ and the remedy, he comedically argued, was to consume psychedelic mushrooms in order to 'squeegee' it.1 For those of you who are now lost — as in ‘Who is Bill Hicks?’ / ‘I thought only boys had a third eye?’ / ‘Did they just advocate the use of illegal drugs?’ / ‘What’s a squeegee?’ — you should be overjoyed that the Brothers Jensen wrote this book for YOU and Providence allowed YOU to find it."

Footnote 1: "The quote is a composite/summary of the following routines found in Rant in E minor (1997, CD): "Gifts of forgiveness" and "Love List (No Future)" (Track 8 and 32, respectively). The sentiments behind this quote are woven throughout Hicks’ work. It is possible that the exact quote was uttered by Hicks in an unrecorded stand-up routine and reported by one of his many fans. The quote inspired the title of this book. However, Sapere aude (Dare to be wise) — as it is discussed in Immanuel Kant’s (1724-1804) essay, "Answering the question: What is enlightenment?" (1784) — is the real inspiration behind this book and its content."



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  1. Absence of innocence
  2. Seeds of evil
  3. Pigeons
  4. War: A stupid fascination
  5. Since Rutherford B. Hayes
  6. The joy of mud
  7. Religion: The anti-catalyst
  8. Voltaire!!
  9. Our iron cage
 10. Theodicy in an acorn
 11. Absolute minimum: A life style?!
 12. The two classes
 13. Taxes: A redistribution mechanism
 14. Negotiating faith on a ledge
 15. Dyslexia
 16. Calories: Not all are equal
 17. Sexual selection
 18. Understanding fear: A cure onto itself
 19. Laughter: A subversive power
 20. Seven Commandments of Jesus
 21. The Golden Rule: Devolving
 22. Monotheistic religions: A purpose
 23. MIA: Lincoln’s Party
 24. Teaching controversy: A tool of post-modernism
 25. Real class warfare

 26. Crime: Blue collar vs. white collar
 27. Supply-side economics: Still a failure
 28. Over the counter vitamins: Hokum
 29. Mechanical aptitude
 30. Gratitude
 31. Beauty: A cart before the horse
 32. Who to blame?
 33. Capitalism: Another definition
 34. Unions, Reagan, Republicans, and hypocrisy
 35. Change: A constant
 36. The power of hypocrisy: War between the sexes
 37. Good guys with guns: Ineffective
 38. Jesus: Friend to the atheists
 39. Malignant narcissism
 40. Futility: An ode to Sisyphus
 41. Humanism vs. nationalism
 42. Sex education: A few clarifications
 43. Is it hard work or dumb luck?
 44. St. Hicks
 45. Sharing
 46. Some bewares
 47. Discussion: Red Fascism or Corporatism?
 48. Fish: A geopolitical economic analysis
 49. The Eight ‘P's’
 50. Have things changed?
 Conclusion — More paint or turpentine?
 * Litany against misanthropy
 * The five stages of catharsis
 * Examples of false equivalency
 * Anti-discourse
 * The logistics of here and now



Copyright 2018 Eric and Walter A. Jensen
Proofreader: Brent Krohn, Comedian and Student of Comparative Religion
U.S. Copyright Record #: TX 8-780-352
Not available in any electronic or digital format on the World Wide Web.
ISBN-13: 978-0-9704919-5-4
ISBN-13: 9780970491954
Publisher: Printmill - Kalamazoo, MI
First published: Nov. 1, 2018
BISAC Subject Code: Have no idea what this is
Length: 8.5"
Width: 5.5"
Depth: 0.3"
Weight: 0.456 pounds ( 7.3 oz. )
Library Call #: TBA
Number of pages: 110
Publication Flyers: General consumption
                    For all four Books

Last Updated 03/06/2019

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